you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
