Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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