There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
