We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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