did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
