I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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