Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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