Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
