Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
