turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize