This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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