It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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