Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
