GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you win again, gameday.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
