I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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