So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
