why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
