my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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