i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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