so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
