OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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