literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize