Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
