it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
