I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
