Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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