It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
