12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
did you just send me my own nude
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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