my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
