Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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