You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
