I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
