remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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