Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
