Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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