i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My penis needs a shock collar
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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