So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
this hospital has no fireball
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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