we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
