When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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