Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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