i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
