i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize