I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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