im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
