Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My penis needs a shock collar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
