piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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