i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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