Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
