I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
