They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we're making bets on your personal life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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