I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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