He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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