She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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