you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There's even glitter on my cock...
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