hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
