capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
