Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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