im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
