you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
