we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
