I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
