new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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