Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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