we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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