I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
