whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
