No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
