Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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