I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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