I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
