He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
