if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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