she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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