I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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