How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
