i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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