How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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