i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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