I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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