you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
