Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize