on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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