So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
