Swine flu. Run for my life!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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